I Now Understand Why They Say, “Don’t Rush to Grow Up”,
In 2018, I published my book, Broken Ruby: A Memoir of Healing from Generational Adultery. It was my journal turned published documentation of my healing process. It was a very difficult and freeing accomplishment that started my adulthood layer of purpose as The Transparent Trailblazer. I have included an excerpt of Broken Ruby, which is a perfect introduction to me, Kionna Louise.
A virtuous woman: What is that really? A woman of noble character? Well, what is noble? High moral standards? Then what defines moral? Standards of behavior or beliefs? Hmm... These were just some of my thoughts when I read this scripture. Then my mind continued… Why did the bible say ruby and not diamond, sapphire, or emerald? How much are rubies worth? Then my fingers led me to Google. Rubies have been categorized as the most valuable gemstone, and the actual worth is based on four factors: origin, color, size, and clarity. The most important factor is the color. The deeper the red, the more valuable. The world’s most known search engine has shown these gems to be as expensive as $60,000 per carat. Something as small as a quarter of an inch diameter, or the eraser on the end of a pencil, is worth more than the car I drive to and from work. Amazing.
The scripture is saying that it is hard to find a woman who has high moral standards of behavior and beliefs; and if one should find this woman, she is priceless. This scripture could even be read with a sarcastic undertone, leaving one to believe it is next to impossible to find such a woman. But I have discovered something: Virtuous women are not born — They are groomed and nurtured to such a standard. Rubies also take on a process to become the beautiful pieces of jewelry that women adorn themselves with. That process has seven phases: formation, extraction, broken, filled, cutting, setting, and finally, clarity. All to yield a beautiful piece of purposeful jewelry.
My name is Kionna, and this book will walk you through my process of becoming a virtuous woman. My process also has seven phases that metaphorically relate to that of the ruby. This book will be structured accordingly. I must also say that the events of this book do not represent my entire journey. Healing that involves the heart and mind is not a straightforward process. There are the ups and downs, back and forth, twists and turns, and ultimately, deliverance. I reduced this memoir to the key portions of progress to rid the reader of such a roller coaster.
My main challenge has been healing from adultery. What I realized is that my healing was not just from my present circumstance, but I also had to be healed from my past. As a child, I experienced adultery from a completely innocent perspective: My father cheated on my mother. I gradually learned that my grandparents on both sides of my family have dealt with adultery in their marriages. Now here I am, a grown woman with a husband and children and I must now deal with adultery from the perspective of a wife.
I started writing this book as a journal. It was a suggestion from a friend to help me sort through my feelings. I was so desperate for any remedy. Those journal entries held some painful emotions and some ugly ones, too. Gradually, the journal went from a place of depression to a place of encouragement. The entries went from cries of pain to affirmations and scripture. That journal helped pull me out of depression. I became aware of friends that were experiencing adultery and I would help them with what I learned from my experiences. Eventually, I decided to write this book because I believe that my story could help others who have been faced with the same challenges. Writing about my dealings with adultery and depression has helped me understand my root issues and make more connections with my feelings.
If I knew the rushing to grow up would mean hurrying to get through this, I would have definitely enjoyed being a carefree child.
